Scary things

My youngest son asked me the other day what was the hardest thing about being a parent, I didn't even have to pause and think I just answered " Being scared all the time" He didn't really understand my answer but being an 11 year old boy he didn't give it much thought at the time. 

Later he came back to me and asked what I was so scared of. Now that was harder to answer... he doesn't need to know all of the things that scare me. So I picked a few from the list. I started off with a funny one
~ I am worried that when you grow up you won't like me and you will put me in an old folks home, you know the mean ones that never take you outside or change your diaper....
~ I am worried that you will try to plan so much of your life that you will forget to live it.. ( this child takes type A personality to a whole new level)
~ I am worried that I will screw up being a parent so bad that you become an axe murderer or a blue crack smoking homeless man that talks to trash cans... he replied "why would I be blue...."

The kicker is that there is truth in all those reasons, I tried to make them funny because I am the Mama and keeping this crap he doesn't need to know out of his life is one of my jobs... I always said I would  never lie to my kids so when they ask a question I always give them the truth.

Truthfully though, I do worry, a lot.. is it about things I can't control.. well of course it is. If I could control it then I wouldn't have to worry about it.. duh. 
I worry that the boys could get kidnapped ( this one isn't likely I know because a.) they aren't small guys b.) they are both 3rd degree black belts and have been in jiu jitsu for years C.) They would never go quietly... kidnappers want the quiet ones. Rationally I know all of these things, really I do. That doesn't make them go away.
I worry that they will need me and I won't be there. Again this isn't very rational but fears never are are they. Now I know that they are 11 and  almost 13... so the things that they may need me for are different than catching them when the tumble off the couch, or catching the flying lego before it hits someone in the head, been there done that... no now they are getting to the age that parties and drugs, sex, crazy friends... the bad choices we all make as part of growing up... I don't use my fears to keep them from living.. they mainly keep me from getting a restful sleep LOL
I worry that I could wake up to them dead, in my life I have had so many people die.. so many I almost felt like the angel of death for a while and was convinced that people came into my life so they would have someone to count on before they died... yeah that bad..  Because this is the one thing I know I would never come back from of course it shapes my everything. All the decisions I make everyday are based on" if they were gone tomorrow, would I care?" So I never tell them I don't have time, I never say things that I will regret, because it is the things that you say like that to a person that always end up being regrets. If they want me to stop reading and go look at a fort, or a lego man, no matter how ridiculous I think the request is I do it. Because I would rather get my ass up out of the chair than spend the next 20 years in the chair wishing I would have gotten up.  Yeah probably not the healthiest way to live but we all have our quirks right..

So there, got a little of it out anyways...
Until next time :)

Very Superstitious...

Or nervously quirky.... I got to thinking today about superstitions and the crazy things that they make us do or no do .. For example

When I buy a lottery ticket I always tell the clerk not to say "good luck" I never win when they say that so I always tell them not to...

I don't give baby gifts until the baby is born (that whole counting your chickens theory)

Always say bless you after a sneeze ( not god bless you since I am an athiest) not entirely sure why I do that.. it may be some holdover from back in the day when they believed that your soul could escape when you sneezed. 

The big one that comes to mind is that I NEVER say goodbye when I get off the phone or when I am leaving somewhere.. goodbye is forever so I go with "see you later"

Knocking on wood ( or your head, whichever is closer) in the hopes of getting around murphy's law ( bastard..) and or self fulfilling prophecy

What are your quirky superstitions??