Scary things

My youngest son asked me the other day what was the hardest thing about being a parent, I didn't even have to pause and think I just answered " Being scared all the time" He didn't really understand my answer but being an 11 year old boy he didn't give it much thought at the time. 

Later he came back to me and asked what I was so scared of. Now that was harder to answer... he doesn't need to know all of the things that scare me. So I picked a few from the list. I started off with a funny one
~ I am worried that when you grow up you won't like me and you will put me in an old folks home, you know the mean ones that never take you outside or change your diaper....
~ I am worried that you will try to plan so much of your life that you will forget to live it.. ( this child takes type A personality to a whole new level)
~ I am worried that I will screw up being a parent so bad that you become an axe murderer or a blue crack smoking homeless man that talks to trash cans... he replied "why would I be blue...."

The kicker is that there is truth in all those reasons, I tried to make them funny because I am the Mama and keeping this crap he doesn't need to know out of his life is one of my jobs... I always said I would  never lie to my kids so when they ask a question I always give them the truth.

Truthfully though, I do worry, a lot.. is it about things I can't control.. well of course it is. If I could control it then I wouldn't have to worry about it.. duh. 
I worry that the boys could get kidnapped ( this one isn't likely I know because a.) they aren't small guys b.) they are both 3rd degree black belts and have been in jiu jitsu for years C.) They would never go quietly... kidnappers want the quiet ones. Rationally I know all of these things, really I do. That doesn't make them go away.
I worry that they will need me and I won't be there. Again this isn't very rational but fears never are are they. Now I know that they are 11 and  almost 13... so the things that they may need me for are different than catching them when the tumble off the couch, or catching the flying lego before it hits someone in the head, been there done that... no now they are getting to the age that parties and drugs, sex, crazy friends... the bad choices we all make as part of growing up... I don't use my fears to keep them from living.. they mainly keep me from getting a restful sleep LOL
I worry that I could wake up to them dead, in my life I have had so many people die.. so many I almost felt like the angel of death for a while and was convinced that people came into my life so they would have someone to count on before they died... yeah that bad..  Because this is the one thing I know I would never come back from of course it shapes my everything. All the decisions I make everyday are based on" if they were gone tomorrow, would I care?" So I never tell them I don't have time, I never say things that I will regret, because it is the things that you say like that to a person that always end up being regrets. If they want me to stop reading and go look at a fort, or a lego man, no matter how ridiculous I think the request is I do it. Because I would rather get my ass up out of the chair than spend the next 20 years in the chair wishing I would have gotten up.  Yeah probably not the healthiest way to live but we all have our quirks right..

So there, got a little of it out anyways...
Until next time :)

Very Superstitious...

Or nervously quirky.... I got to thinking today about superstitions and the crazy things that they make us do or no do .. For example

When I buy a lottery ticket I always tell the clerk not to say "good luck" I never win when they say that so I always tell them not to...

I don't give baby gifts until the baby is born (that whole counting your chickens theory)

Always say bless you after a sneeze ( not god bless you since I am an athiest) not entirely sure why I do that.. it may be some holdover from back in the day when they believed that your soul could escape when you sneezed. 

The big one that comes to mind is that I NEVER say goodbye when I get off the phone or when I am leaving somewhere.. goodbye is forever so I go with "see you later"

Knocking on wood ( or your head, whichever is closer) in the hopes of getting around murphy's law ( bastard..) and or self fulfilling prophecy

What are your quirky superstitions??

Why????

As parents we are all familiar with the #1 question that all kids ask.....Why???

I always said that when I was a grown up ( at that point I don't think being a parent had even entered my mind) that when someone asked me why, I would give them the answer and if not the answer I would give an answer. I can remember as a small person that it pissed me off when I would ask someone why and they would answer with " I don't know" or "because I said so" it pissed me off.. So when my kids started with the why's I always made the effort to answer them to the best of my ability and if I didn't know we looked it up together.  I have learned so much because of the crazy random questions that kids ask, if I am ever on Jeopardy or Smarter than a 5th Grader and they ask me " do fish drink water?" I will have the answer because I looked it up... ( by the way the answer is no..they don't)  The record for # of consecutive why questions goes to my younger son with 52 consecutive why's.  After 30 it was so crazy that I figured I would just see how far he would take it.  He fell asleep in the middle of asking question 52, but wouldn't you know it the next morning he finished the question from the night before and kept on going. 

I figure that if kids know that they can come to you and ask 52 questions and you will be patient ( and that day it was a stretch don't get me wrong) and answer them, they will feel more comfortable coming to you with any questions because you have always taken the time to listen to them and address their questions and concerns.  Besides some of the questions kids come up with will have you laugh until you pee... I enjoy the easy crazy questions when they come because before to long they won't be as easy to answer or will remind you of the world that these kids function in.

A book.....

I get told fairly frequently that I should write a book, I guess the combination of the truly odd things that happen to me and the funny responses I come up with might be marketable.. Who knows, stranger things have happened. 

I have a fairly uncommon view of things that happen in my life and to me. The way I parent, the level of honesty I have with my son's about life and the situations that will and have come up in the next few years.. I answer the tough questions that most parents I know would not answer. I think that if they will know eventually they may as well know when they ask ( I do give answers that are understandable to their ages 10 & 12) My kids know about anatomy, both theirs and female, what illegal drugs do to your body.. pretty much whatever they come home with. They have their own opinions on all area's that grown-up's do, and I am proud to say that they have formed these opinions themselfs. They crack me up with their wit and responses to the things that come to them. For example:

 I have a friend that is checking herself into a hardcore rehab facility that is super super christian..(they tell you what kind of underwear to bring) because her life has gone to shit since her divorce... I could understand if she was a christian how that sort of thing would appeal to her, but she isn't. I am not sure how an athiest is going to function in that environment and how long it will take her to crack and buy into the crazy that they are peddling... anywho I was telling them about Ms. L and how she was going to this place for a year to try to pull it all together, and was going down the list of all the ways this is the worst idea ever, and when I got to the part about what underwear to bring my oldest chimes in with " does it tell them what flavor of Kool-Aid to bring"... LOL my kids rock!! What 12 yr old you know would make a Jonestown refrence to this story.... well now you know 1. Mine :) 

So what sort of things would I put in this book, well funny stories, scary stories, random odd things that happen at the local Hellmart ( that one is a doozie of a story), mainly why I do the things I do... if nothing else someone may get an idea or a laugh.  We shall see what happens :)

Funnies from the kiddos

So I was checking the boys grades online the other day and Son # 2 asked what his grades are, I listed them and got to his science grade which is 104... I asked him how you have 104 out of 100. He looked at me and said " Mama, I am just good like that" this boy cracks me up.

During the December Hurricane (aka Christmas) he ran into the kitchen and asked me if we lived in a dictatorship. I said no that America was a democracy so everyone got a vote... he says no Mom in the house, are we a dictatorship. I said "yep we sure are" he turns to his brother and says " I told you Mom would say that... she is the Queen of the universe, why would she let people vote"

Damn these kids make my life interesting....

I wanna have a farm

Well not a real working farm so much as a totally random menagerie of live things... I want to have a cow ( just one and not for milk or for eating) , a pig (also not for eating) I will name it Wilbur ( Charlotte or Fern if it is a girl) , a chicken or two, dogs, a barn cat or 2, and feeders for wild deer.

I have no ideas of breeding animals, or growing enough food to feed small towns full of people, I just want my own little corner of the world surrounded by life that isn't in danger of being killed for food or living a horrible terrible life only to suffer a painful lingering death.

I think I should be able to :)

The beginnings of my bucket list

I was thinking in the middle of the night while awake trying to breathe (stupid head cold) about the whole "bucket list" thing.... what sort of things do you put on your list,

I started to think of the things I wanted to do in my life and came up with a list that ended up with me wanting a job as a tattoo'd, violin playing, mercenary princess... yeah I am cool like that.

Just for funsies here are some more:
* See a polar bear (not in a zoo, and from a safe enough distance to get kick ass pictures but not disturb the bear or you know like die....)
* as mentioned above learn to play the violin, and maybe the cello too just for kicks
* become a mercenary ( not as likely as the previous 2 items but a girl can dream) because let's face it there are lots of people out there that it would be an act of mercy for all humankind ( and some animal kind) if some people just weren't allowed to live anymore... think child abusers, animal abusers, pretty much anyone that uses their size to hurt those smaller and helpless, men who think covering a woman in a head to toe tarp then beating her because the wind blows and shows a little ankle... the list goes on but you get the idea.
* see the aurora borealis in real life ( maybe I can combine that with the polar bear sighting)
* actually learn French (not just the bad words)
* see the leaves change back east in the fall ( I live in TX we have no seasons here... we have hotish and too hot)
* see the Atlantic ocean (I have seen the Pacific and the Gulf coast)
* I want to touch an elephant, not one of those pay to ride at the ren faire ones either... not a miserable one in the zoo... ( now this I am not sure how to work out yet but I will figure it out)
* protest Ringling Brothers circus when they come to town
* find one wine that I like ( so far no luck...)

the list will grow I am sure but for now this is what I got...

what about you??